I may write in here some other time to keep my learning going. But for BYU's MBA 661 Class, My Negotiations Journal is complete!!!!! (7 entries I believe).
Woo -- just a little more homework to go before I graduate!
Showing posts with label negotiations journal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label negotiations journal. Show all posts
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Schmoozin Something for Free
The Story
During the course of my undergrad, I did gain some skills at getting something for nothing, and I was decent at getting things from for-profit companies for free. At various times, I managed to get free:
One day I had a lot of pressure. At a beach-side amusement park, about 20 friends from Dixie State College asked me to get us all free-ride on one amusement that nobody was patronizing at the time. I had pride on the line and I really wanted to show off.
I approached the lone employee, who looked bored, and immediately went into this story about us not having much money, being poor college students, and that we’d really like to ride his ride. I showed him how it didn’t matter because the company wasn’t losing money. My thinking was he was bored and would be fine with it because it was something to do. Instead, he told me no.
I didn’t argue with him, just walked through my logic again and did a little begging and he said, "Do you have any more excuses?" I returned to my friends, a little embarrassed but realizing nothing was lost, and told them let's go do something else.
The Takeaways
Desire or Incentives
In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie teaches principles about the desires of others: "Arouse in the other person an eager want," "Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest." I did neither of these. Instead I told him about our problems. This worker had no incentive to give us a complimentary ride.
I didn't have a lot of incentive to offer him, but I can think of a few small ones:
Step to His Side
ON page 52 of Getting Past No, William Ury suggests you look at the other person's point of view to see the existing barriers; and to understand why others are behaving the way they do. Above, I speculate about potential strategies that could help me to give a free ride for my friends. If I actually asked him why he said "no," I may have been able to come up with a better strategy. A few more seconds of questioning would definitely have worked better than the summarization of previous reasoning I had given him.
One other item that stands out to me is I have a Caucasian appearance, and this individual looked to be of Latin decent. Without delving too far into stereotypes, I’ve come to think this person probably thought of me as an exploitive, arrogant rich-kid (despite the fact that I do not have the fashion sense to pull that off). Had I discovered that issue by asking questions, I may have been able to prove to him that I've had to earn everything in my life and was hoping for a favor that I would return to someone in a similar situation one day.
Next Time?
I do still ask for freebies, but usually just a small upgrade to items I am already paying for. I try to be as friendly as I can be, and give people a chance to talk--Carnegie points out that people like to be listened too. Instead of setting out on a mission to get something free, I would approach him in an attempt to make a friend. If my new friend would give me something, great, if not, I would not argue or apply too much pressure other than trying to resolve any concerns I could discover.
In this situation, my BATNA was to move on, so I would not bank too much self-esteem on whether or not I mooched something. The most important technique to negotiating freebies is persistence in asking for many things--boasting about your few successes and forgetting the many failures.
During the course of my undergrad, I did gain some skills at getting something for nothing, and I was decent at getting things from for-profit companies for free. At various times, I managed to get free:
- pies from Denny's
- upgrades at restaurants
- cell phone accessories
One day I had a lot of pressure. At a beach-side amusement park, about 20 friends from Dixie State College asked me to get us all free-ride on one amusement that nobody was patronizing at the time. I had pride on the line and I really wanted to show off.
I approached the lone employee, who looked bored, and immediately went into this story about us not having much money, being poor college students, and that we’d really like to ride his ride. I showed him how it didn’t matter because the company wasn’t losing money. My thinking was he was bored and would be fine with it because it was something to do. Instead, he told me no.
I didn’t argue with him, just walked through my logic again and did a little begging and he said, "Do you have any more excuses?" I returned to my friends, a little embarrassed but realizing nothing was lost, and told them let's go do something else.
The Takeaways
Desire or Incentives
In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie teaches principles about the desires of others: "Arouse in the other person an eager want," "Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest." I did neither of these. Instead I told him about our problems. This worker had no incentive to give us a complimentary ride.
I didn't have a lot of incentive to offer him, but I can think of a few small ones:
- have a girl talk to him instead of myself
- make him feel important (another Carnegie principle)"If I could have done this sincerely without seeming like a mooch, he may have just wanted us to stay around longer
- talked with him for a while enough to become friends. We could have even invited him to hang out later.
Step to His Side
ON page 52 of Getting Past No, William Ury suggests you look at the other person's point of view to see the existing barriers; and to understand why others are behaving the way they do. Above, I speculate about potential strategies that could help me to give a free ride for my friends. If I actually asked him why he said "no," I may have been able to come up with a better strategy. A few more seconds of questioning would definitely have worked better than the summarization of previous reasoning I had given him.
One other item that stands out to me is I have a Caucasian appearance, and this individual looked to be of Latin decent. Without delving too far into stereotypes, I’ve come to think this person probably thought of me as an exploitive, arrogant rich-kid (despite the fact that I do not have the fashion sense to pull that off). Had I discovered that issue by asking questions, I may have been able to prove to him that I've had to earn everything in my life and was hoping for a favor that I would return to someone in a similar situation one day.
Next Time?
I do still ask for freebies, but usually just a small upgrade to items I am already paying for. I try to be as friendly as I can be, and give people a chance to talk--Carnegie points out that people like to be listened too. Instead of setting out on a mission to get something free, I would approach him in an attempt to make a friend. If my new friend would give me something, great, if not, I would not argue or apply too much pressure other than trying to resolve any concerns I could discover.
In this situation, my BATNA was to move on, so I would not bank too much self-esteem on whether or not I mooched something. The most important technique to negotiating freebies is persistence in asking for many things--boasting about your few successes and forgetting the many failures.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Isn’t my Lancer Beautiful?
The Story
I had completed my undergrad and been employed for a few months when it struck me, “Time to buy a new Car!” I had a lot of fun looking and did a fair amount of research. I finally found a Mitsubishi Lancer that I was interested at Barber Brothers, a dealership about 100 miles south of where I was living. I made some phone calls, felt like I was promised a good price on the car, and made the trip down so I could drive home in my new Lancer.
When it came time to sign the dotted-line, there was $500 in discounts I had been promised that were not included in the contract. It was about 9:00 pm and the manager really wanted to go home—he had actually been fairly antagonistic to during the time I had spent there looking at the vehicle. After informing him something had been forgotten and that I had visited in anticipation of it being included, he told me in a very derogatory tone, “He’s [my salesman] is stupid. This is why we have contracts!”
That evening, I returned home without a new vehicle.
In the end, management called me and made some concessions and I got my vehicle that I wanted.
The Takeaways
Not too committed
On page 138, in Getting Past No, William Ury advises that it may be necessary to demonstrate your BATNA. I got lucky—I had not considered a BATNA, but I was not going to let Barber Brothers be this insulting to me. My impatience was not satiated, but my being willing to show power did get me a better deal than that which I initially sought.
I accidentally stumbled upon a good negotiating tactic. One of the reasons we have a BATNA is to keep in mind other options are available; we should not be too committed to seeing the negotiation through. Next time I will have a BATNA that will not allow me to
Look at my power
Fundamentally, there was a huge shift in our negotiation at this point. Barber Brothers was not only trying to get a customer back, they were also trying to do damage control (so hopefully a blog post such as mine showing Barber Brothers Stupidity would not appear). There were three Lancer dealerships between me and Barber Brothers; had I thought about it, I then had a great story that gave me a role of being a willing buyer, but also someone who had better be treated well.
I should have talked to other dealerships, explained what happened, and gauged if they would even more accommodating. I had this new power of being astute buyer but still willing to make a purchase as long as I was treated correctly.
I did use my new power to get some slightly better discounts, but further analysis would have shown many more options to strengthen my BATNA before accepting an offer.
Next Time?
Barring the economy not letting me work, I will be buying my wife a new vehicle in the next six-months. First, we will decide on the vehicle we want, and then do what we can to find a few options for purchase. Every salesman will be forced to listen to this story for five to ten minutes—I want the role of being willing to buy, but having dealerships throw barriers in my way.
I will most certainly have a BATNA setup through this research, and not be locked into wanting one vehicle (I do not want these blinders on again). And I’ll reevaluate often to see if there are more tactics for me to gain a better deal.
I had completed my undergrad and been employed for a few months when it struck me, “Time to buy a new Car!” I had a lot of fun looking and did a fair amount of research. I finally found a Mitsubishi Lancer that I was interested at Barber Brothers, a dealership about 100 miles south of where I was living. I made some phone calls, felt like I was promised a good price on the car, and made the trip down so I could drive home in my new Lancer.
When it came time to sign the dotted-line, there was $500 in discounts I had been promised that were not included in the contract. It was about 9:00 pm and the manager really wanted to go home—he had actually been fairly antagonistic to during the time I had spent there looking at the vehicle. After informing him something had been forgotten and that I had visited in anticipation of it being included, he told me in a very derogatory tone, “He’s [my salesman] is stupid. This is why we have contracts!”
That evening, I returned home without a new vehicle.
In the end, management called me and made some concessions and I got my vehicle that I wanted.
The Takeaways
Not too committed
On page 138, in Getting Past No, William Ury advises that it may be necessary to demonstrate your BATNA. I got lucky—I had not considered a BATNA, but I was not going to let Barber Brothers be this insulting to me. My impatience was not satiated, but my being willing to show power did get me a better deal than that which I initially sought.
I accidentally stumbled upon a good negotiating tactic. One of the reasons we have a BATNA is to keep in mind other options are available; we should not be too committed to seeing the negotiation through. Next time I will have a BATNA that will not allow me to
Look at my power
Fundamentally, there was a huge shift in our negotiation at this point. Barber Brothers was not only trying to get a customer back, they were also trying to do damage control (so hopefully a blog post such as mine showing Barber Brothers Stupidity would not appear). There were three Lancer dealerships between me and Barber Brothers; had I thought about it, I then had a great story that gave me a role of being a willing buyer, but also someone who had better be treated well.
I should have talked to other dealerships, explained what happened, and gauged if they would even more accommodating. I had this new power of being astute buyer but still willing to make a purchase as long as I was treated correctly.
I did use my new power to get some slightly better discounts, but further analysis would have shown many more options to strengthen my BATNA before accepting an offer.
Next Time?
Barring the economy not letting me work, I will be buying my wife a new vehicle in the next six-months. First, we will decide on the vehicle we want, and then do what we can to find a few options for purchase. Every salesman will be forced to listen to this story for five to ten minutes—I want the role of being willing to buy, but having dealerships throw barriers in my way.
I will most certainly have a BATNA setup through this research, and not be locked into wanting one vehicle (I do not want these blinders on again). And I’ll reevaluate often to see if there are more tactics for me to gain a better deal.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Hawaii or San Diego?
The Story
During my last semester of undergrad at BYU-Hawaii, I obtained a well-paying job that aligned perfectly with my major. This was nice for a student on the North Shore, because I hadn’t gotten to enjoy too many of the more costly activities on the islands.
However, I set myself up with one problem. My intention was to move back to the main-land in about four-months, and my boss thought he was hiring a long-term employee who would stay in Hawaii. During the semester, I read Getting to Yes and hoped I was increasing my negotiating skills so that I could convince him to allow me to work for him from San Diego. But as I was reading the book, I was not considering what I could do to strengthen my BATNA, nor was I worrying in the slightest about his interests.
Without addressing it with my boss, I graduated, flew home to Utah, and moved my stuff to California. I worked from home for a week or two and my boss kept asking when I planned on returning to Honolulu. One night, I called to discuss with him options for me to stay, but he didn’t answer his phone. A bit nervous, I left a voicemail saying I would not be returning and wanted to work for him—but in California.
After about three-weeks of this, my boss called me and said if I wasn’t willing to return to Hawaii, he’d have to let me go.
The Takeaways
Organize a BATNA
Having read a book on negotiation, I assumed I was a good negotiator. Had I really be working to have a BATNA, I would have seen that I needed to be looking for a different position since my true interest was remaining in San Diego.
In Getting to Yes, the authors give an example (Chapter 6, p 102) of catching an airplane and how when one is running late, getting on that plane seems like the only option. In truth, there are more options: another plane, driving, the bus, etc… For some reason, I had a fear showing me that stringing my boss along was my only option for staying in San Diego.
Also, had I setup a BATNA, I might have seen that living in Hawaii wasn’t such a bad BATNA either.
Invent options for Mutual Gain
I knew my boss’s concerns in this situation--he had a previous employee who stole money and equipment when she was contracting from the mainland. He did not want to experience this again. Using that little but of knowledge, I figured this was going to be difficult and so I didn’t engage in negotiation. Looking back, I feel we could have come up with many options:
6 months of me in Hawaii, while I slowly phased into a telecommuting status
Rotation of 1 month in Hawaii, 1 month in my location of choice
Me training a replacement for a few months while I found a job in the location I wanted to be
I actually think the first one may of worked and possibly the third. The point is, I didn’t discuss it with him, I sprung upon him my definition of how it was going to be (and the story shows a few weeks later, he told me how it was going to be).
Next Time?
The biggest mistake was setting up my employer’s expectations that I knew I wasn’t going to fulfill, and then depending on my boss to help me get what I wanted. I definitely had the right to live where I wanted, but I was just waiting for a crash by hoping he’d see it totally my way. Next time, I would actually enter into negotiation and I would do it much earlier.
I would also put a lot more time in to accomplishing my real goals. I’m not very proud of this story. I don’t feel I was wrong in not divulging that I didn’t plan on working on his terms, but at the same time I do feel like I swindled my employer. The fact is, I wanted this job up until I graduated school and it would have killed it if I told him early on that I was not planning on staying—two weeks’ notice is all I felt obligated to give.
Next time, I would not leave myself in a position to be dependent upon my boss. I would first obtain a position in San Diego and then let him know I could telecommute or just quit outright. Spending a few more months in Hawaii would not have been that devastating—impatience to start a life in San Diego hampered my ability to start out with a solid financial foundation in that city. I eventually moved back to my hometown in Utah where I had a better network to find a position (I really missed Hawaii after that).
........ but I did meet my wife in Utah, so it was a happy ending. I think this is an important lesson too. Don't get so worked up about one negotiation or one event in your life that you let a lot of "happy endings" go unnoticed.
During my last semester of undergrad at BYU-Hawaii, I obtained a well-paying job that aligned perfectly with my major. This was nice for a student on the North Shore, because I hadn’t gotten to enjoy too many of the more costly activities on the islands.
However, I set myself up with one problem. My intention was to move back to the main-land in about four-months, and my boss thought he was hiring a long-term employee who would stay in Hawaii. During the semester, I read Getting to Yes and hoped I was increasing my negotiating skills so that I could convince him to allow me to work for him from San Diego. But as I was reading the book, I was not considering what I could do to strengthen my BATNA, nor was I worrying in the slightest about his interests.
Without addressing it with my boss, I graduated, flew home to Utah, and moved my stuff to California. I worked from home for a week or two and my boss kept asking when I planned on returning to Honolulu. One night, I called to discuss with him options for me to stay, but he didn’t answer his phone. A bit nervous, I left a voicemail saying I would not be returning and wanted to work for him—but in California.
After about three-weeks of this, my boss called me and said if I wasn’t willing to return to Hawaii, he’d have to let me go.
The Takeaways
Organize a BATNA
Having read a book on negotiation, I assumed I was a good negotiator. Had I really be working to have a BATNA, I would have seen that I needed to be looking for a different position since my true interest was remaining in San Diego.
In Getting to Yes, the authors give an example (Chapter 6, p 102) of catching an airplane and how when one is running late, getting on that plane seems like the only option. In truth, there are more options: another plane, driving, the bus, etc… For some reason, I had a fear showing me that stringing my boss along was my only option for staying in San Diego.
Also, had I setup a BATNA, I might have seen that living in Hawaii wasn’t such a bad BATNA either.
Invent options for Mutual Gain
I knew my boss’s concerns in this situation--he had a previous employee who stole money and equipment when she was contracting from the mainland. He did not want to experience this again. Using that little but of knowledge, I figured this was going to be difficult and so I didn’t engage in negotiation. Looking back, I feel we could have come up with many options:
6 months of me in Hawaii, while I slowly phased into a telecommuting status
Rotation of 1 month in Hawaii, 1 month in my location of choice
Me training a replacement for a few months while I found a job in the location I wanted to be
I actually think the first one may of worked and possibly the third. The point is, I didn’t discuss it with him, I sprung upon him my definition of how it was going to be (and the story shows a few weeks later, he told me how it was going to be).
Next Time?
The biggest mistake was setting up my employer’s expectations that I knew I wasn’t going to fulfill, and then depending on my boss to help me get what I wanted. I definitely had the right to live where I wanted, but I was just waiting for a crash by hoping he’d see it totally my way. Next time, I would actually enter into negotiation and I would do it much earlier.
I would also put a lot more time in to accomplishing my real goals. I’m not very proud of this story. I don’t feel I was wrong in not divulging that I didn’t plan on working on his terms, but at the same time I do feel like I swindled my employer. The fact is, I wanted this job up until I graduated school and it would have killed it if I told him early on that I was not planning on staying—two weeks’ notice is all I felt obligated to give.
Next time, I would not leave myself in a position to be dependent upon my boss. I would first obtain a position in San Diego and then let him know I could telecommute or just quit outright. Spending a few more months in Hawaii would not have been that devastating—impatience to start a life in San Diego hampered my ability to start out with a solid financial foundation in that city. I eventually moved back to my hometown in Utah where I had a better network to find a position (I really missed Hawaii after that).
........ but I did meet my wife in Utah, so it was a happy ending. I think this is an important lesson too. Don't get so worked up about one negotiation or one event in your life that you let a lot of "happy endings" go unnoticed.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Ask the Vendor, and ye shall receive
The Story
During my internship last summer, I was put in charge of getting a few vendors to design and launch our website. With one vendor, I was very unimpressed with how they managed the project and handled specific directions. Since the company was billing us hourly, these inefficiencies were not just delaying completions, but costing money. I can handle mistakes being made, but I did not want us to have to pay for time wasted when they did not follow my requests and instructions.
I was definitely nervous when I received the bill for services, because I knew I was going to have to call and ask for discounts. I could let it slide and my employer wouldn’t have known, but my loyalties were in the right spot (to the company). Luckily, I had seen this coming and I had a lot of documentation on where time was wasted and calculations showing a more appropriate time-duration.
I setup a meeting with the project manager—letting her know what it was about. At the meeting, I went down the list line by line and explained why I didn’t think each was fair and said what I thought fair was. I gave statistics and showed where our direction had been plainly ignored.
For the outcome, I received 70% of the discount I was requesting. I requested a little high and I think the fair range would have been to receive 80% of my requests.
The Takeaways
BATNA
I was familiar with BATNA’s going into this, but I hadn’t had negotiation training for years (and what little I had was from reading books and not gaining experience). The only advantage I had was some courage inspired by loyalty. I was aware my boss would refuse to pay if I told him it was unfair, but that would have meant I would lost a vendor and a lot of effort would have been lost.
Next time, I would use this for my BATNA, telling the project manager that I’m working with her to avoid escalating this higher and causing a big debate between our bosses. When I’m trying to reduce the bill by about $3,000, this is actually not a bad BATNA. If she gave 70% without me flexing an alternative, I could have perhaps gotten my additional 10% that I wanted through a very soft threat.
Ask and ye shall receive
“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find” (Matthew 7:7). I have gotten more of what I wanted in life by just being willing to ask. In this case, I got most of what I wanted by going down a list and stating it. This situation is a great example showing that this advice does not apply only to our relationship with God, but also in our relationships with each other.
Prepare for the Negotiation
I also got what I wanted because I did some strong fact preparation. I knew what to ask for because I did some analysis. The project manager was at a disadvantage because she didn’t know what I’d be asking for (I think that is fair though, she could have delayed and asked for time to think).
In this class’s packet, the last reading is a list of 10-best-practices. The first item in this list is “Be Prepared.” One reason is to be able to better analyze offers more effectively. Because of my preparations, I was able to see her counteroffers as reasonable and accepted. This preparation also helped me to see that my requests were reasonable and thus my confidence had a good foundation as I entered this negotiation.
Next Time?
As I said, I will definitely consider my BATNA next time and do what I can to strengthen. In retrospect, I had a fairly valuable alternative. My preparations came in handy, and the documentation I was keeping from an early stage allowed me to have more “proof” than she did.
What is unfortunate is that I did not enter into a simpler negotiation the first time I noticed the problem. Perhaps the problems could have been rectified and I would never have felt the billing was unfair (and maybe more importantly, the project would have been completed earlier). Next time, I will address the problem early on and be able to ask for less.
During my internship last summer, I was put in charge of getting a few vendors to design and launch our website. With one vendor, I was very unimpressed with how they managed the project and handled specific directions. Since the company was billing us hourly, these inefficiencies were not just delaying completions, but costing money. I can handle mistakes being made, but I did not want us to have to pay for time wasted when they did not follow my requests and instructions.
I was definitely nervous when I received the bill for services, because I knew I was going to have to call and ask for discounts. I could let it slide and my employer wouldn’t have known, but my loyalties were in the right spot (to the company). Luckily, I had seen this coming and I had a lot of documentation on where time was wasted and calculations showing a more appropriate time-duration.
I setup a meeting with the project manager—letting her know what it was about. At the meeting, I went down the list line by line and explained why I didn’t think each was fair and said what I thought fair was. I gave statistics and showed where our direction had been plainly ignored.
For the outcome, I received 70% of the discount I was requesting. I requested a little high and I think the fair range would have been to receive 80% of my requests.
The Takeaways
BATNA
I was familiar with BATNA’s going into this, but I hadn’t had negotiation training for years (and what little I had was from reading books and not gaining experience). The only advantage I had was some courage inspired by loyalty. I was aware my boss would refuse to pay if I told him it was unfair, but that would have meant I would lost a vendor and a lot of effort would have been lost.
Next time, I would use this for my BATNA, telling the project manager that I’m working with her to avoid escalating this higher and causing a big debate between our bosses. When I’m trying to reduce the bill by about $3,000, this is actually not a bad BATNA. If she gave 70% without me flexing an alternative, I could have perhaps gotten my additional 10% that I wanted through a very soft threat.
Ask and ye shall receive
“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find” (Matthew 7:7). I have gotten more of what I wanted in life by just being willing to ask. In this case, I got most of what I wanted by going down a list and stating it. This situation is a great example showing that this advice does not apply only to our relationship with God, but also in our relationships with each other.
Prepare for the Negotiation
I also got what I wanted because I did some strong fact preparation. I knew what to ask for because I did some analysis. The project manager was at a disadvantage because she didn’t know what I’d be asking for (I think that is fair though, she could have delayed and asked for time to think).
In this class’s packet, the last reading is a list of 10-best-practices. The first item in this list is “Be Prepared.” One reason is to be able to better analyze offers more effectively. Because of my preparations, I was able to see her counteroffers as reasonable and accepted. This preparation also helped me to see that my requests were reasonable and thus my confidence had a good foundation as I entered this negotiation.
Next Time?
As I said, I will definitely consider my BATNA next time and do what I can to strengthen. In retrospect, I had a fairly valuable alternative. My preparations came in handy, and the documentation I was keeping from an early stage allowed me to have more “proof” than she did.
What is unfortunate is that I did not enter into a simpler negotiation the first time I noticed the problem. Perhaps the problems could have been rectified and I would never have felt the billing was unfair (and maybe more importantly, the project would have been completed earlier). Next time, I will address the problem early on and be able to ask for less.
Skimping on the Negotiatons Journals
I haven't been getting enough posts on here for my MBA 661 course. So I'm going to step it up. Prepare to be blasted by posts on this subject over the next few days!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Arouse in the other person an eager want
Arouse in the other person an eager want -- One of the Fundamental Principles in Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People.
I had a very quick negotiation with my Wife's 11-year-old brother a few days ago. She was watching him and wanted him to take out the trash; he wanted to play video-games. I was getting angry because I didn't like seeing my wife disrespected by this person she was helping out.
And then it hit me that he was desperately waiting for something to be delivered to him in the mail. Most of his battle was putting down the game-controller, so when I said, "I'm surprised you're not running outside to the mailbox, because it was delivered about 30 minutes ago," he immediately started to head for the door. Taking the trash out wasn't as big a deal when he was already up and moving around.
Everyone was served because interests were sought instead of hard stances on positions.
Takeaways:
Arouse an eager want: Instead of forcing my will on Sam, I was able to see a connection to something he wanted. Dale Carnegie's suggestion eliminated hurt and angered feelings by seeking a new way to get things accomplished.
Often the advice given in books such as "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and "Getting to Yes" is difficult to follow because you do get emotionally locked into your position and the righteousness of that position. I was quickly moving from "wanting my wife to not have to deal with disobedience" to an attitude of anger and a desire to force this kid to obey everything I said because I said it.
We have to give up those immediate emotions of satisfying ego, pride, anger, or revenge and actually get the deal we'll be happy with a few days later.
Talk about Interests: This is one of the ideas in "Getting to Yes." It was quick, but when I spoke in a friendly manner about his real desire being outside it was very easy to tack on an additional task. When speaking to Sam's interest, the pie was expanded and he excitedly carried out his task.
I had a very quick negotiation with my Wife's 11-year-old brother a few days ago. She was watching him and wanted him to take out the trash; he wanted to play video-games. I was getting angry because I didn't like seeing my wife disrespected by this person she was helping out.
And then it hit me that he was desperately waiting for something to be delivered to him in the mail. Most of his battle was putting down the game-controller, so when I said, "I'm surprised you're not running outside to the mailbox, because it was delivered about 30 minutes ago," he immediately started to head for the door. Taking the trash out wasn't as big a deal when he was already up and moving around.
Everyone was served because interests were sought instead of hard stances on positions.
Takeaways:
Arouse an eager want: Instead of forcing my will on Sam, I was able to see a connection to something he wanted. Dale Carnegie's suggestion eliminated hurt and angered feelings by seeking a new way to get things accomplished.
Often the advice given in books such as "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and "Getting to Yes" is difficult to follow because you do get emotionally locked into your position and the righteousness of that position. I was quickly moving from "wanting my wife to not have to deal with disobedience" to an attitude of anger and a desire to force this kid to obey everything I said because I said it.
We have to give up those immediate emotions of satisfying ego, pride, anger, or revenge and actually get the deal we'll be happy with a few days later.
Talk about Interests: This is one of the ideas in "Getting to Yes." It was quick, but when I spoke in a friendly manner about his real desire being outside it was very easy to tack on an additional task. When speaking to Sam's interest, the pie was expanded and he excitedly carried out his task.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Landlord's Property caused $1300 in damages to my car
The Story
Friday morning, 1 week ago, I went to get in my car and found that all the snow from the garage's roof had landed on and around my car, denting my hood in beyond repair.
Knowing I'd want him to witness the actual damage caused, I called my landlord, Ryan, and said he should come look at it before I tried moving things. I also took videos and pictures of the car: as it was found and of the damages.
Two different body shops gave me estimates for about $1300 to buy a new hood and install it.
Ryan returned a few hours later to say I was given 1 parking spot and that I was not parked in it so he was not liable. He then used what Getting Past No would classify as a trick and said he'd paid for some plumbing bills involving the kitchen that he felt was our fault and that it was our turn to give.
I thought the plumber arugment was very unlogical, but my wife was the one who let me see it for what it was when she said, "I don't get what plumbing even has to do with this."
I argued back that I was guaranteed 1 spot (wife's car was there), but never told I could not park elsewhere. Also said plumbing was not a good excuse for me to pay $1300 in an unrelated incident. The snow on the roadside necessitated parking in the driveway and no spots were marked as "do not park."
At first I really didn't know how to handle this. But I was able to research a pretty good BATNA in dealing with my car insurance. I wasn't excited to pay the deductible, but they have a team that will work to get my money back--and they have a lot more legal expertise than I could acess for a small amount of money. They said they would fight to get the money back if they felt they should.
The Takeways
Don't start talks until you know what you want.
When I told Ryan I didn't accept his no-liability argument, we argued for a moment and then he asked what it was I wanted. The fact was, I didn't know yet. I wanted to be fair, but I had no clue what fair was yet-- I just knew his suggestion was not. During this time, I noticed frustrations because I didn't have a solution yet, but he was trying to absovle himself of all responsibility immediately.
Next time, I would follow the same tactic of letting him know I didn't consider his suggestion as legitimate but then I would say I was looking into the best way to pursue this still and that I had no suggestions yet.
Sometimes people refuse to negotiate or accept responsibility
Ryan kept asking for free 10-minute advice from lawyer people in his religious congregation. And they kept telling him what he wanted to hear. I quickly saw that this was going to go nowhere. I think in the end, he'll find that he got what he paid for.
Don't feel like you need to negotiate
In the end, I think I am the most happy that I submitted to my insurance. Unless he agreed to pay of go through his insurance I would have come out of this worse than I had to. When I saw that he wouldn't take full responsibility it quickly became clear that there were other forces that would make him.
Really this isn't over yet, I will hopefully get my deductible reimbursed. But really, if he wouldn't accept fully responsibility then I was not getting what I wanted. I think the insurance company will recover it.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Getting a little Shut Eye
The Story
The first day of school, I came home exhausted. I have classes 9:30 - 5:00 straight. So after dinner, I decided I was going to take a nap. At the moment I was walking into my room to rest, my wife asked me to take care of some bills related to our daughter's birth (6 weeks ago).
Now, I have been procrastinating working on these bills, I've wanted to ignore their reality. And at this moment of tiredness, I really wanted to ignore it. So I said that I was tired and wanted to rest for a moment, "could I do it a little later?"
She emphasized to me that she really wanted to get this taken care of immediately. I then said we should complete this task when I was done resting. And so we did... the bills were taken care of and I got the rest I desired.
The Takeaways
Ask for what you want
In Getting Past No, on page #21, William Ury says "What you don't ask for, the other side is unlikely to give you." One thing I've learned about myself over the years is that I often know what I want, but I try to get it without the help of others. Often if there is a conflict, I give in because I'm not accustomed to asking.
In the situation above, I asked for what I wanted and got it. My wife also got what she wanted by emphasizing those desires. We both came away happy. I've seen this in other instances in my life--there is nothing wrong with asking and in family it is often easy to setup a quick solution that meets everyone's desires.
What did you learn about the negotiation process or about other people as negotiators
Situations like this will arise often. In the future, I will quickly address the two steps above. I know one tendency I have is to forget things I'm not looking forward to. I probably would have felt less guilt if I would have put the bills on my desk so I'd be sure to see them when I began working on homework. This also would have helped with the "step to their side" step because I would have displayed behavior showing her position was important to me as well.
The first day of school, I came home exhausted. I have classes 9:30 - 5:00 straight. So after dinner, I decided I was going to take a nap. At the moment I was walking into my room to rest, my wife asked me to take care of some bills related to our daughter's birth (6 weeks ago).
Now, I have been procrastinating working on these bills, I've wanted to ignore their reality. And at this moment of tiredness, I really wanted to ignore it. So I said that I was tired and wanted to rest for a moment, "could I do it a little later?"
She emphasized to me that she really wanted to get this taken care of immediately. I then said we should complete this task when I was done resting. And so we did... the bills were taken care of and I got the rest I desired.
The Takeaways
Ask for what you want
In Getting Past No, on page #21, William Ury says "What you don't ask for, the other side is unlikely to give you." One thing I've learned about myself over the years is that I often know what I want, but I try to get it without the help of others. Often if there is a conflict, I give in because I'm not accustomed to asking.
In the situation above, I asked for what I wanted and got it. My wife also got what she wanted by emphasizing those desires. We both came away happy. I've seen this in other instances in my life--there is nothing wrong with asking and in family it is often easy to setup a quick solution that meets everyone's desires.
What did you learn about the negotiation process or about other people as negotiators
- It can be very quick. I didn't realize I was in a negotiation until it was over.
- I could have handled it better. My wife may not have needed to be as forceful if I would have said I understand, I'm tired, but I will pick it up immediately when I get back up. This would have been Ury's Step to their Side suggestion.
- I probably would have gotten more emotional had the compromise not been reached so easily. I need to use the Go to the Balcony step as well. I did feel guilty that I didn't help immediately. I didn't need to, I knew my motives were good.
Situations like this will arise often. In the future, I will quickly address the two steps above. I know one tendency I have is to forget things I'm not looking forward to. I probably would have felt less guilt if I would have put the bills on my desk so I'd be sure to see them when I began working on homework. This also would have helped with the "step to their side" step because I would have displayed behavior showing her position was important to me as well.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Negotiaiton Journal
For my International Negotiations class by Dr. Richard Bruce Money (get it? its true.), we have to keep a journal of a few negotiations we enter into over the course of the semester.
Since this is my journal of all I learn (j/k its far less than what is in here) in the MBA program, I thought I would just keep my journal in here. Now you can be there as I negotiate my way to success and millions of dollars!
There, now I've explained what the "negotiations journal" label is---- time to get busy with the journal.
Since this is my journal of all I learn (j/k its far less than what is in here) in the MBA program, I thought I would just keep my journal in here. Now you can be there as I negotiate my way to success and millions of dollars!
There, now I've explained what the "negotiations journal" label is---- time to get busy with the journal.
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